Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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