Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dignity is for republicans.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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