Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
do nipples grow back?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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