wakey wakey hands off snakey
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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