your room smells of hookers.
And success
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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