Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
