I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
