I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
