omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize