Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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