I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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