I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
