He is an equal opportunity slut.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize