Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My bed smells like the plague
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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