brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
