State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
