There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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