what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
