Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i was born a porn star she said
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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