Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
