the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
