You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
