i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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