sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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