i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
