In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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