ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
