i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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