Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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