im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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