shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
