i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize