dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize