There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize