I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
