Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
