Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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