Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
