hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
