I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
