He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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