Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
