I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
