If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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