So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
