Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
