I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
