plz talk dirty to me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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