the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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