Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
