I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
