But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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