how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
