I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
