he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
