'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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