I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
