Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
