How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
