a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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