Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
