He passed out mid-signature
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He shit in the fireplace
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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