so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
