so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize