I can text with my tongue
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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