My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
