I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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