Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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