He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
