my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
