and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
