i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
