Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
