wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
