We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
