I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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