So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
