Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
