Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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