If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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