we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
