if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
