Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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