im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
