you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
