Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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