have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
