He uses pillows to masturbate.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
