She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
