The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
