nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
